President Barack Hussein Obama
The networks have called OH, PA, IA, CO, NM and FL for Obama. For the Pacific coast to not give Obama the electoral votes of CA, WA and OR would be clear evidence of magical mind control. Ladies and gentlemen, bilaterians and pentamerals, aerobes and anaerobes, Barack Obama is the next President of the United States of America. Now if you’ll please excuse me, I’m going to drink myself into a stupor and howl my barbaric yawp into the night.
My friends, sometimes life is good.