Incredibly, Bush establishes Mariana Trench as a National Monument

Outgoing lunatic, ravager of civilization, source of all sorrows and US President George W. Bush announced today he is establishing by executive order the Mariana Trench, Pacific Remote Islands and Rose Atoll Marine National Monuments. Mysteriously, this action is within the law, completely constitutional, and does not appear to involve anyone being slain or horribly mutilated while Dick Cheney watches and eats a sandwich.

For unknown reasons, Bush has decided to protect a total of 195,280 square miles of ocean surrounding islands that abut the deepest oceanic trench in the world. Bush’s inexplicable action will create one of the world’s largest marine reserves, where mining and oil exploration will be banned completely until Bush revokes that protection by Very Special Order. Inconceivably, there do not appear to be any signing statements associated with establishment of these newest National Monuments that would re-legalize slavery, have all gays permanently detained in federal sexual re-education camps, release a virus to wipe out all non-Christians on Earth, nullify the results of the 2008 US federal elections, or create the office of King of Texas and Everything.

So far there has been no public statement from Bethesda Naval Hospital regarding whether the lame duck President has had a stroke or is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s Disease.

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~ by Planetologist on January 6, 2009.

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